


take me away (to the place where you are)

by todobakuwu



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, And Other Things People Do When They're Sad Or In Love, Crying, Drinking, I needed to get this off my chest, Love at First Sight, M/M, Unrequited Love, i had to live with this in my head all this time and now so do you, if theres any typo im sorry i only wrote this right before sleep, oh that tag hurts, or Both, there will be more tags and characters added in the future, theyre all miserable in their own way you will see
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:53:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27945596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/todobakuwu/pseuds/todobakuwu
Summary: or the one in which Johnny fell in love with a man after seeing him once and made it everybody's problem.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 4
Kudos: 17





	take me away (to the place where you are)

People used to tell Johnny this was going to be the best period of his life; that you never get younger than this and that you would wish one day to come back to it, to relive it all. But he found it hard to believe anyone would want to come back to a period of their lives in which they felt completely aimless. His career path was figured out, more or less, it was the personal one he had to work more on.

“Johnny, it’s your turn at beer pong, what the hell are you doing?” Yuta shook his shoulder while laughing, waking Johnny from his reverie. “You alright, dude? You’ve kept the ball in your hand for hours. Just throw it already.”

“Yeah, man. Thinking about someone?” Taeil joked from the other side of the table, where he was teamed with Taeyong. “Must be the dude who took your spot in the cafeteria yesterday.”

“Right?” Taeyong agreed with him, giggling with other people who happened to hear the conversation. “Johnny was basically fuming.”

“I thought he was going to yell at him,” Yuta continued, disregarding the way Johnny only kept getting more annoyed the more the topic went on. “But then, he went all formal like ‘I’m sorry, I could have sworn this seat, the one you’re sitting in, was mine’.”

The three of them exploded in laughter, but Johnny was still holding the ball in his hand. It seemed like they forgot about the game altogether. Taeyong was the one who stopped laughing first, observing him.

“No matter how drunk I may be right now, I will never forget the look on that dude’s face,” Yuta stated. “It was poor guy’s first interaction with Johnny, and he had the misfortune of getting him in a bad mood.”

“It might be the only child syndrome, actually,” Taeil fell into his speculating, which he did often as a psychology major. “You know how it goes. Only children tend to get angry when people come and take what they think it’s theirs.”

“Dude, those are a lot of words for someone who’s lost count of the beers he drank,” Yuta appreciated Taeil’s ability to remember such things in a moment of drunkenness. “Anyway, whatever might have been the cause, I pity the dude.”

“Yeah, you usually handle things more diplomatically, Johnny,” Taeyong jumped back into the conversation. “What got into you yesterday?”

But Johnny didn’t feel like answering. Instead of that, he sighed and closed his eyes, trying to regain his calm. He unclenched the fist, the one holding the ball, and successfully threw it into an empty cup from the other side of the table. All of them went quiet as the party still went on. Everybody around them seemed to have a good time, enjoying the loud music and the drinks, and Johnny used to be just like them, but now he couldn’t connect to them anymore even if he wanted to.

“Tell everyone to get the hell out of my house.” Johnny spoke for the first time in 20 minutes, and his voice was only loud enough so his friends would hear him. He sounded so decisive he managed to sober them up a bit.

They knew when to joke around with Johnny and when not to, and now seemed like a good time to shut up and listen to what he has to say. He rarely got this somber, and it was bad news when it happened.

Yuta and Taeil pat him on his back with an apologetic look on their faces and started telling everyone to go home. Johnny was still in place, staring into the void as Taeyong approached him carefully, like one would a ticking bomb.

“I’m helping you clean up,” he said as he looked at him with his big eyes. “It’s going to take you hours on your own.”

Johnny nodded. His apartment wasn’t that big, it was rather that these people always tend to make a mess at someone else’s place.  
“You can sleep here if you want. I’ll take the couch.”

“Bold of you to assume it will take that long with me here,” Taeyong joked as he started picking up the plastic cups from the tables. The music stopped not long after that, and as people began leaving his apartment one by one, Johnny could feel his head not hurting as much anymore. Who knew ending the party would also end his migraine?

☆

In the morning, only coffee could motivate Johnny to properly wake up and get himself ready for another exhausting day. He drank it quickly, knowing he would be late if he didn't hurry. After changing his clothes and styling his hair a bit, he couldn’t help but feel thankful towards Taeyong for helping him clean his place last night. It was a mess, but they were fast and Johnny managed to get at least 6 hours to sleep last night, which is more than he slept the whole week.

Taeyong has been there for him since they first met at college, and there is no one else Johnny could call a best friend but him. No one could really explain how shy, reserved Taeyong became stuck to Johnny, the social butterfly, almost instantly, like a moth to the flame. Many people say Johnny had the quality of drawing people to him, but he didn't know whether that was a curse or a blessing at this point in his life.

Locking the door to his apartment after getting out, Johnny sighed. It was going to be a full day because he also had a shift at the restaurant after classes, which was going to be a double one since someone else had to fill in for him last night. He didn’t really mind that he had to work more because he loved being a waiter, meeting new people and sharing jokes with his coworkers. He only hoped his hangover will be down by then, or at least a bit easier on him.

The walk to the bus stop seemed longer than usual, so he turned on his camera and took a few pictures on the way. The leaves were changing colors day by day, and Johnny was completely entranced by them as they were falling to the ground, the trees only becoming more and more barren. Any other person might say the view would sadden them, it could represent something entirely different to them, but it was not that case for him. Of course, it was not the most cheerful sight, and it would have been a little bit disturbing if it brought you joy. But Johnny also saw the delicacy, the fragility, the vulnerability of nature around this time of the year. The cycle of life was coming to an end, and he couldn’t help but keep still and watch the transition happen in front of his eyes.

Arriving to the bus stop, Johnny sighed when he discovered he was actually a few minutes early, despite his instincts telling him it should have been otherwise. Resigned, he took a seat and prayed his waiting won’t seem longer as well. He didn’t have time to get bored, however, because right across the street there was a tree he took a picture of every morning before entering the bus. He had more time to truly capture his beauty today, he figured. And so, Johnny brought the camera to his eye, fixated the tree, and just as he was about to press the button, a bus arrived at the bus stop, but it was not his. He knew that because he also came to know the people who took that same bus every day, and none of them were in this one. And not only that, but he was perfectly sure in his bus there wasn’t the beautiful man staring out the window that Johnny happened to take a picture of instead of the suddenly irrelevant tree from across the street. He felt like someone punched the air out of his chest.

He lowered the camera slowly, taking a look at him with his own eyes. He was very handsome with his slightly curly hair, which was a lighter shade of brown, and with his rosy lips and wandering brown eyes, not to mention his perfect skin and his cute dimples. Johnny felt like this person walked out of a painting. He hadn’t blinked since the bus arrived, because he didn’t want to miss any detail about this surreal man that took his breath away. Time slowed down even more for him, it felt like passengers were entering and exiting the bus for hours. However, just as Johnny began feeling sad about how he wanted to stare just a bit more at the man, the bus was accelerating back to its speed. He was even more sad when, as if he felt being stared at, the man looked back at him, because the bus was already leaving and Johnny didn’t know when those dreamlike brown eyes were going to look into his own again.

He got the air back in his lungs, but it pained him instead of making him feel whole, as if it were too much for him to handle all at once. He had little time to recover before his bus arrived. Like muscle memory, Johnny got on it and sat in his usual spot, but this time he was trying to get his world back on its axis. Just as he regained his breathing, his phone began vibrating in his pocket and he already knew who it was.

“Got in the bus alright?” Johnny answered the phone call. He knew it was Mark without looking at the caller ID. He was trying his best to sound like the collected older brother his friend was used to.

“Physically I’m fine, but I’m trying not to lose my marbles because of this guy,” the younger man could be heard from the other line, and Johnny couldn't help but wonder if their situations were the same.

“Hey, is it a crush?” he asked with a curios tint in his voice. “Or is it just Haechan nagging at you? Or... both?”

“Dude! I almost dropped my phone!” Mark whimpered. “Stop saying stuff like that, seriously. And yeah, it’s him, and he keeps stealing my things.”

“I’m just taking a look at them, you idiot,” Johnny could hear another voice from the other line, a higher one.

“Yeah, that’s what you said about my lunch money yesterday too, and guess what? You left me with no money!” Mark argued with that voice, and Johnny guessed it was Haechan’s.

“I left you with no money because you always have poor choices in food,” Haechan was quick to argue. “You should be grateful that you ate a meal chosen by yours truly, tasty and healthy for your fragile body, really.”

It was endearing how they argued as if Mark forgot he had Johnny on the line. They also sounded like children, which also made it fun for him to listen.

“Did you hear that, bro? He’s younger than me yet he still has the guts to talk back to me like that,” Mark complained to Johnny but if he didn’t know him better, he would’ve said he actually enjoyed getting teased by that other guy.

“Why don’t you put him in his place, huh?” Johnny joined in on the teasing, because joking around with Mark was one of the very few reasons why he always woke up in the morning.

“Man, what did I say? Not cool, come on,” Mark whimpered again. This whole situation was so silly, too obvious.

“Hang up, dumbass, we’re here,” Haechan could be heard from the other line because of how loud he was.

“Yeah, Mark, hang up, you’re there,” Johnny continued with the teasing and hung up before he could hear Mark’s reaction.

Not long after that whole fiasco, the bus stopped at the bus stop he was supposed to drop off at. He couldn’t help but feel his chest just a bit lighter than when he went on the bus five minutes ago. It wasn’t a bad feeling, but it also wasn’t something he was used to. As he began making his way towards his university building, Johnny wondered what it would take to make that go away just like he managed to get rid of that migraine last night.

☆

Never in his college experience did his classes go as quickly as that day for Johnny. He tried to pay attention to the professors, he really did, but not only did he not take any notes, he didn’t listen to them either. He could hear words, he could hear students asking questions, he could hear all of that, but he couldn’t listen. Midway through his first class he ended up turning his camera on again just to look through his gallery. It didn’t take him long to find the picture he was looking for, because it was the last one he took before the sky fell on his head.

Until now, he has never been so thankful his camera was expensive to get. Every detail of that man from the bus were captured perfectly, almost as if he posed for him. The sunrays were lighting up his face from above, making his eyelashes cast shadows on his cheekbones. His eyes were so lively, as if he didn’t have a care in the world. His lips were turned slightly upward, almost forming a smile. It wasn’t easy to smile that early in the morning. It also wasn’t easy not to notice his dimples. They were so big, Johnny figured they showed even if the man wouldn’t have smiled. Frankly, he didn’t know how to feel about that. When he felt like he investigated every detail, he turned the camera off and lifted his head up just to notice the students were leaving the room, which meant the class was already over.

That is how most of his day went at college. He only regained his perception of time during lunch break because he didn’t spend it alone. He was the second to arrive at his usual table in the cafeteria, because the first one was always Taeil. He was already eating when Johnny got there.

“Well, someone looks like he got his head in the clouds,” the older man greeted him as he chewed. That was Taeil’s charm, to always voice out his thoughts, no matter how correct they were.

“Shit, it’s that obvious?” Johnny asked as he placed his bag on the chair on his left, taking a seat across him, placing his bag on the chair to his left. “Maybe you can see it so clearly because you’re used to analyzing people,” he tried to reassure himself, more than anything.

“Man, don’t kid yourself. Even the lunch lady could see you’re not here mentally,” Taeil said as he tapped two fingers to his temple. “Go get something to eat, maybe food will clear your head a little.”

“I don’t feel like eating,” Johnny said as he propped his elbows on the table in order to hold his head in his hands. “I know you think I’m sick or something because I don’t have an appetite, but it’s not that. I don’t even feel bad, to be honest.”

“Then what’s the matter?” the other man asked genuinely. This was another charm of his; no matter the situation, Taeil was always genuine. Johnny has known him for three years and he had never wronged him. Yes, he did joke around with him, but that was because Johnny himself joked around with anyone. Taeil never crossed the line, he was always careful but he also knew how to have fun. He was also the only friend of his who was actually older than him, so Johnny has always felt like Taeil was the only one who could look after him.

That is why Johnny trusted him when he told him, “I saw someone really pretty earlier today and I have to meet him again one way or another or I’ll burst.”

Taeil raised his eyebrows in surprise. That was not what he expected to hear, judging by the way he pushed his glasses higher on his nose, a smile slowly making its way on his face.

“What?” Johnny asked as if he was on the edge. He was curious to hear what he had to say, like it was a verdict of some sort.

“Didn’t know you were into men,” was the first thing Taeil said after a minute of silence.

“I don’t know if I’m into men too or if I’m just into that man,” Johnny felt like saying. But deep inside he already knew the answer. “But he’s all I’ve been thinking about today.”

“Who is it you’re thinking about?” Taeyong’s voice could be heard from a small distance.

Johnny turned around in his chair and saw him with Yuta, they were heading to their table with trays full of food. Taeyong took his usual seat to Johnny’s right and Yuta sat to Taeil’s left.

“Now that you’re all here, I need your opinion,” Johnny said instead of answering Taeyong’s question. He took his camera from his bag, turned it on and showed them all the picture that has been on his mind all day long. “What do you think about this dude? Isn’t he handsome?”

“Okay, you weren’t joking,” Taeil was the first one to speak of the three of them. His eyes were wide open, as were Yuta’s and Taeyong’s. “He really is handsome.”

“Is he a model or something?” Yuta wondered aloud. “He definitely looks like one.”

“Actually, I think I’ve seen him before,” Taeil added as he analyzed the picture further. He opened his mouth to say more, but it was Taeyong he looked at first. Johnny didn’t know what Taeil saw, but he stopped talking after that. He frowned a little, but didn’t think about it too much.

“I don’t know, his face doesn’t ring a bell for me,” Yuta said as he stopped looking at the picture and began eating his food. “But yeah, man, he’s really handsome. Eye candy material. Do you know him?”

“I wish,” Johnny sighed as he put his camera away. He went back to his first position. “I only saw him for a few seconds before my bus came. He even looked back at me right before his bus left. I don’t know if I’ll ever see him again,” he ended in a sad tone.

“Hey, don’t think like that,” Yuta tried to lift his mood. “Who knows, maybe you will see him again tomorrow,” he gave him hope further.

“I hope you’re right,” Johnny nodded. “I only happened to see him because I arrived at the bus stop a few minutes earlier. If you think about it, we could have met so much earlier if only I didn’t spend so much time showering. It’s mind-blowing.”

Yuta nodded in agreement while eating. They all fell into silence and Johnny was about to let it go, but he quickly remembered there was one person who didn’t say anything.

“What do you think?” Johnny asked as he faced Taeyong, who was already almost done with his food. He was looking forward to his opinion the most out of all of them, even though he felt bad about feeling like that.

“He’s fine,” Taeyong answered without lifting his eyes from his bowl. Johnny thought that was weird, because the younger man is always looking at him with his big eyes when he talks. But now, it felt more like he avoided his gaze.

“Just fine? Dude, I’ve never seen anyone like him in my life,” Johnny said incredulously. He couldn’t believe his best friend could be so passive about such an important event of his life. “I hope I see him again soon. I should get his number once I do-”

“We get it,” Taeyong interrupted him coldly, finishing his food quickly. If he wanted to shut Johnny up on the spot, he succeeded, because the interruption left him speechless. Taeil and Yuta also thought it was weird of him to act like that toward their friend, but they continued eating their food instead of saying something.

They stayed silent throughout the rest of their lunch break, which was eating at Johnny. If anything, he would’ve talked about that man for hours, but the mood was ruined by Taeyong and all he could do was to stare in the void, thinking about what he could’ve done wrong to upset his friend. There were few moments like this when it felt like Taeyong built another set of walls around him, walls that few people could break through, and Johnny couldn't help but feel powerless every time.

☆

A catchy love song was playing in Johnny’s headphones. He was making his way to the restaurant, but the way he was walking was different, somehow. Even though he had a lot on his mind, his shoulders felt lighter and his steps were more relaxed. The weather was getting colder around this time of the year, but he wasn’t feeling it. Instead of that, Johnny felt somewhat empowered, as if a surge of energy traveled his body all at once. Even smiling seemed easier. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt like this, but he wasn’t against it.

The streets of Seoul were filled with people of all ages. Some were alone, others were in groups. There were even some couples here and there, holding hands and laughing together. Any other day, the sight would only make Johnny remember how he was still looking for his other half, with no avail. There were a few instances before when he thought he met the one, only to find out they weren’t looking for a stable relationship like he was. One would give up looking for love in this case, but not Johnny. And he did well by not giving up on his search, because today, instead of frowning at couples on the streets, he smiled.

Waiting for the green light to cross the street, the song playing in his headphones ended and Johnny got his phone out from his pocket to pick another one. He unlocked it, and he also saw that he had received a text from Taeyong just a few minutes earlier. It read “are you free tonight? we're hanging out at my place,” and it only made him sigh heavily. It wasn’t unusual to hang out at Taeyong’s place once in a while, even though there wasn’t as much space as in Johnny’s apartment. What was unusual, though, was the lack of an apology in the text.

This wasn’t the first time he saw his best friend being upset, but it was absolutely the first time he didn’t know what he had done wrong to deserve such a cold treatment. They have always apologized to one another every time they did a mistake, because neither of them liked keeping problems inside until they would inevitably explode, which was one of the many reasons why they were friends in the first place. Communication played a big part in their friendship, which was exactly why Johnny didn’t understand Taeyong’s behavior. He tried looking at it from all angles, but he still couldn’t figure out why his best friend would react in such a way after seeing the picture of the man from the bus. Could it be possible that he might have felt some bad vibes regarding the stranger? Taeyong usually had a sixth sense about people, but Johnny prayed he was wrong this time.

He was about to reply to the text, but the light turned green right then and he decided it could wait until he was on the other side. Once he arrived, he replied to Taeyong with a “sorry, long shift tonight :/ maybe some other time.” He knew he didn’t do well by avoiding the elephant in the room, and this could only fuel whatever conflict will happen in the future, but Johnny hoped Taeyong had a very good reason for acting this way, because he knew his friend was better than this. Sometimes people need some air to breathe and you need to leave them alone for that, he thought.

Not long after sending the text he arrived in front of the restaurant, which was already buzzing with people. Johnny took his headphones off his head and sighed deeply once again, his eyes set on the customers inside. He figured he could survive anything if he survived this long shift.

☆

The next day was a sunny day, Johnny observed as he exited his apartment building. It was unusually warm for an October day, but he didn’t mind. It was actually an opportunity to wear his lighter clothes again, reminding him of a chilly summer morning. He had no doubts that today was going to be perfect, because not only was he in a good mood, but he was also going to meet that man again. His classes would only start at noon and he had the time to execute his plan.

He’s already thought of it step by step: first he would arrive early at the bus stop and wait patiently for the bus that man was in. Once it arrives, Johnny would get on it and spot the closest seat next to him. He would try to seem preoccupied so as to not look like a stalker, and strike a conversation after a few minutes. After that he would see where the conversation goes and possibly ask for his number at some point, or just ask to meet somewhere else some other time, because only God knows Johnny would wait a lifetime for him. He just needed to see him this one time.

As minutes passed and steps were made, Johnny was getting closer to the bus stop and he could feel it in his fingertips how excited he was. Something like electricity was tingling his hands and his heart was dancing in his chest. He resisted the urge to bite his lips, he didn’t want to make them look chapped. He wanted to make a good first impression, in case the man already forgot about him since yesterday. The sun was shining, the few birds which didn’t leave yet were chirping, and Johnny couldn’t stop smiling. Everything was going perfectly, until it stopped.

He was less than two buildings away from the bus stop when his phone began ringing. He stopped walking abruptly and checked the caller ID, which read “Taeyong.” At the same time, he could hear a bus passing by him, arriving at the station. He knew it was the right bus, he memorized its model, but he didn’t check to see if that man was there again today. Even more, he had a choice to make. Either he would run to the bus and enter it anyway, or he would answer Taeyong’s call, since the younger man had never called him in the morning before and it could have been an emergency this time. Johnny couldn’t remember for the life of him if he’s ever felt this indecisive.

Biting his tongue until it felt like it was bleeding, he chose the latter.

“Hey-”

“Come by my place, quick!” Taeyong interrupted him in lieu of saying hi to him. Johnny’s heart sunk to his stomach even more at the other man’s alarmed voice.

“What happened?” Johnny asked as he already began making his way to Taeyong’s place, which was in the opposite direction of the bus stop. It didn’t matter much, anyway, since the bus had already left together with the opportunity to change his life forever.

“I’m an idiot. I was cleaning the place because I was too tired to do it last night and-” Taeyong interrupted himself to regain his breath. “And I broke the aquarium. I broke the fucking aquarium, Johnny.”

“I’ll be there,” he answered promptly and hung up.

Johnny was running now. The thought of the man from the bus didn’t slip his mind, it couldn’t, but now he was worrying about Taeyong too. His place must have been a mess and he did right by choosing to pick up the call. Of course, he could have met the man of his dreams, but he could do it any other day. It was not the end of the world, but it could have felt like that for his best friend, and Johnny couldn’t have that. He had to be there for him because he knew Taeyong would’ve done the same, no matter what.

☆

The first thing Johnny saw when Taeyong opened the door for him was his apartment being in a complete mess.

“Don’t take off your shoes, you’ll get your socks wet,” the shorter man advised him, holding a bowl full of water in his hand in which the fish were swimming. He closed the door and rushed to the kitchen. “I managed to save all of them, thank God,” his voice could be heard from afar. He sounded calmer than he did on the phone.

Johnny nodded, placing his bag carefully on a chair. He scanned his surroundings quickly, and he couldn’t remember this living room ever being in this state. It wasn’t just the broken aquarium, there were also many books thrown on the floor along with some framed photos, which were all face-down. There were also empty beer cans and small droplets of blood, Johnny guessing that Taeyong must have cut himself by trying to pick up the glass shards. Towels were spread all over in order to stop the water from reaching other rooms.

“Nice outfit, by the way,” Taeyong said as he leaned on the doorframe. He was holding his left hand to his chest, two fingers being bandaged. “Haven’t seen you wear that in a long time.”

“Taeyong, is everything alright with you?” Johnny ignored his remark, because he knew it was just him trying to distract his attention from the matter at hand. He could see Taeyong’s nail polish was chipped, which was very unusual.

“The fish are fine,” he answered as he grabbed some gloves from a drawer and put them on his hands. “So, I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?” he tried really hard not to meet Johnny’s eyes.

The other man was about to mention the books and the pictures on the floor, but he decided against it. Instead, he chose to pick them up and put them back in their place, since he already knew their order. “You don’t just knock an aquarium off the table, you know?”

“I know you’re mad I broke it since we’ve worked hard on decorating it,” Taeyong began explaining himself. “But I’ll get a new one and we’ll make it look exactly like this one, maybe even better! I promise.” Saying that, he started gathering the rocks and small plants from the floor.

Taking a closer look at him, Johnny noticed Taeyong’s eyes were bloodshot and he felt his heart break into a million pieces. Suddenly, he cared very little about the aquarium. “You know you can tell me anything,” he reminded him with a gentle voice, like he was stepping on eggshells.

Taeyong nodded, still not looking back at him, but the corners of his mouth were lifted a bit upward and it almost looked like he was smiling victoriously. “Yeah, sure.”

But he didn’t sound so sure.

☆

“I don’t remember why I was so reluctant to come tonight,” words escaped in a slurry way from Johnny’s mouth. He was currently on his fourth shot of liquor, if he counted them right. Music was making his ears ring, and the alcohol warmed his insides and burned his throat. Parties only seemed to depress him when they took place in his own apartment, because he wasn’t in a bad mood here as well. People all around him were drinking, dancing and having fun like there was no tomorrow, so why shouldn’t he? Johnny felt he had every right to enjoy his life to the fullest on his own terms, which is what he was doing right now, of course. Everything was going well, and no one could refute that.

“Maybe that’s why you’re drinking so much? To forget, I mean,” Yuta said while sitting next to him with a beer in his hand. He took a sip then continued, “You out of all people know it never works.”

“I was actually having a good time before you opened your mouth,” Johnny snapped at him. It came out harsher than he intended it to, so he felt the need to apologize. “Sorry about that.” He didn’t look the other man in the eyes, choosing to stare at the bartender’s hands. They were so fast in preparing the orders, skilled too. Looking at them might cause one to hallucinate.

“Listen, man. I didn’t ask you to come out here for no reason,” Yuta ignored the apology. Johnny stayed silent, so the other man took it as a sign to continue. “I know you’re sad about not meeting lover boy today either, so I thought a drink might make you feel a bit better.”

“I’m not sad,” Johnny pouted while defending himself. “I know what sadness feels like and it’s not that.” He ordered another shot of liquor and drank it all in one go, burning down his throat more than the other ones. Throughout the night, the alcohol turned from sweet to sour, just like his mood. He was about to speak when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. Taking it out, he read the notification with great difficulty. It was a text from Taeyong, which read “wanna watch a movie? theres popcorn : D”. It only made Johnny sigh and put the phone back in his pocket. “Taeyong is sad.”

Yuta frowned, placing his beer on the counter. His face looked like he heard something he wasn’t supposed to. “What?” But he was still Johnny’s friend and he was willing to listen.

“I think he hates me now,” the other man replied without giving a proper explanation. It was obvious the alcohol was already getting to his head. “He’s been acting weird since yesterday. This morning he even broke the fish tank I helped him decorate. So, instead of possibly meeting the love of my life, I had to help Taeyong clean his apartment.” He made a pause so he could brush the hair from his eyes. “Oh, and don’t think I didn’t notice how y’all didn’t even try to throw the beer cans from last night to the trash.”

“What beer cans? Dude-”

“And now he texted me again, inviting me to his place and I just have no idea why he feels so lonely all the time!” Johnny interrupted Yuta, his voice slightly raised. “I try to be there for him, I really do, but sometimes it feels like-”

“Dude,” Yuta interrupted him back. He could see how Johnny was getting agitated, that he was past the stage of feeling fuzzy. “We didn’t drink last night. You know he doesn’t like doing that kinda stuff in his apartment. We just talked, that’s it.”

Those words hit Johnny out of his drunkenness like a brick, and he needed a little more than a minute to let it all sink in. The music was still as loud as ever, but all he could hear was static noise. Yuta didn’t lie, honesty was his main personality trait and Johnny appreciated him for that. But the information he gave him tonight didn’t really sit right with him. He had to find out more about the other night.

“When did you and Taeil leave?” he decided to let the beer problem go for a second and focus on other issues. “What did you guys talk about? Did he say anything about me? Was he sad? When do you think he went to sleep?”

“This is starting to feel less like a night out with a friend and more like an interrogation, man,” Yuta deflected the questions like it was nothing. “One at a time, alright?”

Johnny nodded like a little kid who finally understood what he did wrong. “Did you guys stay up late?”

The other man frowned, staring in the void for a few moments, trying to remember the details from last night. “I think we left just a bit after midnight. I remember Taeil saying he had class early this morning and he couldn’t afford missing it.” Yuta stopped talking so he could cover Johnny’s hand, which was waving for the bartender. “Seriously, I think you’ve had enough.”

Johnny sighed in defeat that he wasn’t allowed to drink anymore, forgetting he was a few months older than Yuta. “You’re right. I think I’ll head home soon anyway, I’m not feeling up to party anymore.”

“You didn’t get up from this seat since we arrived, so you didn’t really party that much to begin with,” the other man argued for the sake of argument.

“What did you guys talk about last night?” Johnny ignored his comment, even though he was right. He was playing with the shot glasses, five of them sitting prettily empty in front of him on the counter. Neon lights bounced off them every few seconds and it was a nice point to stare at while listening to Yuta.

“I don’t really remember,” the man said as he adjusted in his seat. He was frowning again, the effort clear on his face. “I’m sure it was just the same shit we talk about all the time, don’t worry about that.” He must have known what Johnny was about to ask next, so he continued, “No, Taeyong didn’t say anything about you. He was actually very quiet, he kept staring at his phone. Which was very rude, considering that he was the one to ask us over.”

Johnny’s mood only continued to get worse by the minute. While thinking for his next question, he decided to text Taeyong back with “sorry, promised yuta we’re hanging out tonight. maybe tomorrow?”, and he knew it was a half-assed reason to turn him down. He was about to put his phone back in his pocket, but it vibrated again in his hand. It was another text from Taeyong, and it was disturbing how fast he replied. The text read “but i’m busy doing a presentation tomorrow..... please? : (“. Johnny turned off his phone.

“What was that?” Yuta asked. He must’ve noticed the guilty look on Johnny’s face, but the other man wasn’t sure he wanted to speak his mind any more than he already did tonight.

“I’m the worst person in the world,” Johnny whispered to himself. He looked for his pocket again, estimating the price of all those shots he’s had and paid them all. “I’m going home. Have fun and... Sorry for being a bother, really.”

“Are you going to be alright?” Johnny knew Yuta would offer to walk him home, and it made him feel even worse.

“It's up to the gods at this point,” he answered with a bitter tone, slowly backing away from the counter.

He waved one last time at Yuta before he turned his back and rushed for the exit. Once he was out in the street, he let out the biggest breath, as if he’d ran for miles. Cold air hit him in the face and froze his cheeks in a second, but it was refreshing. He continued to take deep breaths and leaned on the wall of the club, slowly sliding down. He brushed the hair away from his face again in an effort to calm himself down.

Johnny couldn’t understand how his mood did a 180° turn in just a little more than 12 hours, and he completely hated it. He started the day all excited to meet the man from the bus, and he would end it by going home alone, all drunk and disappointed in himself for not achieving his goal. He knew, deep down, that he gave that up for his friend, and that's what any friend would have done. But why was he sad with the outcome? Why did he regret giving up on a stranger to help Taeyong, someone he’s known for years? Love was turning Johnny into someone he was afraid he wouldn’t recognize in the mirror.

☆

Saturday mornings didn’t use to be this cold and depressive, Johnny thought to himself as he hugged his camera tighter to his chest. Next to the bench he was sitting on there were some beautiful flowers he’d forgotten the name of, but the man couldn’t bring himself to take a picture of them. He would lift the camera to his eye level and fixate the flowers, but his finger just couldn’t press the button to capture them. He hadn’t taken a picture in two days, the most recent one being the man from the bus. He didn’t think he could ever take a better picture than that.

The fact that he was so close to meet him yesterday began to frustrate him the more he thought about it, and there was nothing Johnny could do until Monday, when the awaited bus would stop in his neighborhood again. He had to be optimistic, though, he could see this weekend as an opportunity to prepare for when he would actually meet him.

“But when would that be?” he muttered to himself as he closed his eyes and sighed deeply. The park he was in was emptier than usual due to the cold, and he had half a mind to go back home to sulk in peace if Mark won’t show up in 10 minutes. He’s already been waiting for what it seemed like half an hour, he didn’t want his ears to freeze and fall off.

Wanting to check the time, Johnny also saw the texts he didn’t tend to from last night and felt like a horrible person all over again. They were all from Taeyong asking him to come by his place, and Johnny could remember how tempted he was yesterday to accept the offer just to blame him for how miserable he’d felt all day. He was drunk enough, he could’ve gone for it, but he also knew his misery wasn’t Taeyong’s fault but his own. He did call him last morning, but it was Johnny’s own choice to help him, he couldn’t blame his friend for that. He just needed someone to yell his frustrations at, and he refused to put his best friend in that position. Because despite how guilty he could make Johnny feel, Taeyong was still his best friend.

“I don’t remember ever seeing you think this hard about something, dude,” Mark greeted him as he approached the bench Johnny was sitting on, interrupting his thoughts. He was holding two coffees in his hand, giving one of them to the other man and taking a seat next to him.

“I was wondering whether I should just go home and leave you out here all alone,” Johnny replied jokingly as he took a sip. It was strong, warm and it had just the right amount of sweetness to it. It was perfect. “You messed it up again, idiot.”

"Oh, shut up, I’ve seen you order this one before,” Mark retaliated with a smug smile on his face, which only highlighted his rosy cheeks. The cold was doing a number on him, but he was endearing nonetheless.

Johnny just chuckled, he was too busy enjoying the coffee. It was warming his insides, and he couldn’t be more grateful. They sat in silence for what it felt like 10 minutes, which was unusual when it came to them. Their outings used to be more dynamic than this, which could only mean that not only there is something on Johnny’s mind, but also on Mark’s.

“Spit it out,” Johnny told Mark as he continued to look at the trees in the park. When he looked back the younger man, he could see he was ready to spit the coffee out of his mouth. “What the hell are you doing? Not the coffee,” Johnny stopped him, trying to keep himself from laughing because he was supposed to keep it serious.  
“You could’ve worded it better,” Mark defended himself after he swallowed, letting another smile making its way to his face. There weren’t many instances where he didn’t smile, and that was precious of him.

Johnny wondered how to phrase the question he wanted to ask. “Are you in love right now?”

“What?” Mark asked incredulously, his voice a bit higher than usual. He turned his head quickly to make sure no one was too close to them to hear them, then continued. “No,” he answered with no other details, seeming to close in on himself. “Why? Are you? That would be interesting to see.”

“That was a quick answer,” Johnny observed out loud, squinting his eyes at the other man. He knew Mark wasn’t one to express his feelings to just anybody, but Johnny wasn’t just anybody, which is why he didn’t understand why he would keep something from him. Regardless, he didn’t press on it. “I don’t know if I am. I think that’s what I’m trying to find out.”

“Dude, you got a crush or something?” Mark asked, not believing his own ears. “What’s their name?” he continued asking questions, taking another sip of his coffee.  
Johnny smiled, thanking Mark silently for not assuming his crush’s gender. He was a young man, but he was already more openminded than many people he knew. “Is it weird to be almost in love with a man without knowing his name?”

The other man widened his eyes in shock, his body frozen in place. A few good moments passed before he finally found his words. “Almost in love? With a stranger? Can you hear yourself? What does that even mean?”

“Stop answering my questions with more questions and look at this,” Johnny shut him up before he could ask something else. Then, he showed him the picture that have been on his mind for the past few days.

He watched Mark’s reactions carefully, because he knew the first one was always the honest one. It’s not that the younger man lied often, but he tended to say things the other person wanted to hear, especially if it was Johnny. So far, he only seemed surprised by the picture and nothing more.

“So, what do you think?” Johnny prompted a discussion.

“He has a cute face, I’ll tell you that,” Mark finally admitted, looking away from the picture and gazing at something far away. “But you ‘almost’ fell in love with him for his looks only, right? I mean, you don’t know anything about him.”

“You’re not wrong,” the older man agreed with him. “He could be a total dick and I wouldn’t even know. Maybe he doesn’t like men, anyway.” A pause ensued, in which Johnny turned off his camera and finished his coffee. “But he looked back at me,” he continued speaking as he turned his head to look at Mark. “Right before his bus left, he looked back at me, and I don’t think I remember it right, but he looked like he wanted to tell me something.”

“You think he knew you?” Mark asked out of a sudden.

“I don’t think so,” Johnny answered. “Rather than that, I think he wanted to get to know me, just like I want to meet him one day and get to know him as well. And yeah, you might be right about him not being like what I pictured him in my head to be, but I have to find that out by myself. I don’t think I can rest until then.”

“Then I say do it!” the other man said. “What’s stopping you from that?”

Johnny appreciated him for being so cheerful, it really lightened up his mood to hear those words. But sadly, his advice wasn’t that easy to put in practice. “Taeyong is.” And it felt like hell having to admit it.

Mark only shrugged, so Johnny took that as a sign to explain. “He’s not as supportive as you are, and it also feels like he’s trying to keep me from meeting that man.” He interrupted himself so he could sigh. “I feel so pathetic for complaining about one of my friends. I didn’t even answer his texts from last night.”

“Yeah, that can’t feel good,” the other man nodded. He went silent for a second, then asked, “What do you think you should do, considering all this?”

“I think I need a change of scenery. I could take pictures of something different for once, I have all of Seoul in my brain. But I don’t know where exactly to go,” Johnny sighed once again. “I don’t want to be alone either, because being alone makes me think stuff, and that’s not always good.”

They both fell in a silence for a few minutes. Johnny surprised himself because he knew nothing about wanting to go somewhere until now. This was the beauty of talking to Mark every now and then, he found out new things about himself.

“I feel like that too sometimes,” Mark admitted. “School feels so harsh sometimes, I just feel like going back to Canada, you know? I don’t want to worry my parents, though, because my problems aren’t that big. I can live with them.” He took a pause to finish his coffee, then continued, “But maybe you could go back to Chicago. Your reason seems valid enough.”

“You want me to sit in a plane for 13 hours just because Taeyong isn’t letting me breathe? Wouldn’t it be easier if I just confronted him and fixed everything instead?” Johnny pointed out, squinting his eyes in distrust.

“I’m not telling you to do it,” Mark raised his hands in defense. “I’m just offering you a way out of this. It’s your choice whether you do it or not,” were his last words.

Johnny wasn’t going to lie, the idea of him going back to Chicago sounded crazy. And while he did like doing crazy things every now and then, this one just seemed a little bit too extreme. He hasn’t been home since college started this year and he was only supposed to go back on Christmas holidays. Leaving sooner than expected would mess up his schedule and budget, but there were also advantages. He didn’t dare think about them too much so as not to tempt himself into buying the tickets right then and there.

☆

An indie rock song was playing in Johnny’s earphones as he entered his apartment block. His steps were heavy, matching the rhythm of the beat. He was surprised he was still able to walk after the hellish shift he just got out of. There were many rude customers who thought the whole universe revolved around them, and saying Johnny was getting sick of being around people like that was an understatement. But hey, money is money.

He stepped into the elevator just as the song got to the chorus, and he quickly pressed the button to his floor. Johnny couldn’t wait to get into his bed and sleep it all off already. Just thinking about it made him even more sleepy than he was. His head was full of thoughts, of what should or shouldn’t be done. It felt like he’s been playing chess for the last few days and that he was finally left without any moves.

As the elevator doors opened, Johnny sighed and began approaching his apartment with his eyes closed almost all the way off. He stopped abruptly, however, because he swore he’s seen a shadow hanging in the hallway right in front of his apartment door. He immediately pulled his earphones out just as the song got to the bridge and opened his eyes wide, blinking a few times in the process in order to see more clearly. Now that he wasn’t listening to music anymore, he could hear a bitter laugh coming from the person Johnny mistook for a shadow. Observing them more thoroughly, they were also holding a bottle in their hand. Judging by their body movements, they weren’t aware Johnny showed up. They were wearing a hoodie, making it impossible for the man to figure out who they were.

Just as he stepped a little bit closer, the person turned around and Johnny stopped in his tracks completely frozen, because it was Taeyong with tears in his eyes, rolling down his cheeks and with a smile on his face. “Kinda hard to ignore me when we’re face to face, isn’t it?” Taeyong asked bitterly before Johnny could even think about opening his mouth.

The other man couldn’t find his words. He didn’t expect to see him there out of all places, and now that they were a bit closer Johnny could make out the bottle in Taeyong’s hand to be actually vodka, half empty too. He had never seen him look this miserable in his life, and a little voice in Johnny’s head was telling him that he was at fault for this. “Why didn’t you text me? I would have hurried up,” he said as he picked up his keys and approached the door to unlock it.

Taeyong snorted. “Bold of me to assume you would have even opened the text in the first place,” he said after he lifted the bottle to his mouth to drink some more. He seemed fragile but his words were cutting deep, and his eyes were sharper than usual.

Johnny bit his lip as he stepped into the apartment, leaving the door open for the other man. Taeyong didn’t hesitate to enter, slamming the door closed after he did. Hopefully Johnny wouldn’t hear too many complaints about it from his neighbours. Although, the door slam might be the last thing they will complain about after this.

Taeyong made himself comfortable on the sofa, lifting his feet on the coffee table. Keeping the bottle close to his chest, it was now more obvious than before how hurt and broken he was. Johnny took his coat off, dropping it somewhere in the living room. “If you want to sleep here, I can bring you a blanket-“

“The only thing I want from you is answers, Youngho,” Taeyong interrupted him, calling Johnny by his Korean name, and it was enough to stop whatever he was doing and listen. It was about time he did.

Johnny knew he has had it coming; he knew it would happen at some point, Taeyong confronting him, because Taeyong can’t keep it in for too long or he’ll break. He just didn’t know it would happen so soon. He took a deep breath and went to the kitchen to grab himself a glass of water, something told him he would need it. He didn’t spend too much time on it, though, he was already being waited in the living room.

When he came back, Taeyong was in the same state he left him. He was staring at the TV screen, even though it wasn’t turned on, and his mouth was half open as if he was about to say something any second. Johnny chose to sit on the floor next to Taeyong’s legs, all high on adrenaline waiting for the storm.

“What do I mean to you?” the man on the sofa asked him before drinking some more vodka, as if he prepared himself for the answer that would come. “Or do I mean anything at all?” he added while scoffing, clearly expecting the worst. He had the look of someone who has been betrayed one too many times by the person he expected the least.

“You’re the most important person in my life,” Johnny replied in a heartbeat, to which Taeyong only rolled his eyes. “Stop that, I really mean it,” he defended himself. He couldn’t take his best friend not believing him.

“If I’m so important to you then why do you act like you never see me?” Taeyong asked, moving his eyes from the TV to the bottle.

He didn’t explain his question, which only confused Johnny as to what he should answer. “What does that even mean?” he asked genuinely. He didn’t want to make any wrong step, it was the worst time to do something like that.

“Do you remember when we went to my sister’s wedding?” Taeyong ignored Johnny’s confusion with that bitter smile of his back on his heartbroken face. “It was a few years back.”

“Yeah, you invited me as your plus one,” Johnny answered, remembering briefly how much fun he has had that night. “It was lovely. I glad I went with you.” And he said the truth. He has always considered himself to be a helpless romantic, and weddings was one of favorite events to attend. He also got to know most of Taeyong’s relatives, and it was not difficult to notice where he got his strength and beauty from; it ran in the family.

“We both suited up, very excited to go,” Taeyong continued. “I got to see my sister marrying the man she loved, and it was amazing. I remember you saying you loved her dress, the venue, the menu… You loved everything.”

“I did,” Johnny agreed with everything Taeyong has just said, but he couldn’t see where this conversation was going. He tried to see through the walls Taeyong has been building, but it seemed impossible to him.

“This is what bugs me,” Taeyong said as he stood from the sofa, placing the bottle of vodka on the coffee table. “You loved everything,” he repeated himself, his voice growing unstable. “You had your eyes on every single detail,” he was now gesticulating with his hands. “You saw everything. Everything but me, who only had eyes for you.”

If Johnny’s glass of water wasn’t already on the floor, he was sure he would’ve dropped it after hearing those words. He was already so tired and stressed from work, he wasn’t even sure if he heard it right.

“You looked so corny in that outfit,” Taeyong decided to go on, not taking Johnny’s reaction into account. He started walking around the apartment, monologuing. “But I couldn’t imagine you wearing anything else. All of my relatives were so curious about you, and you made everyone’s evening so much better by just being there, including mine.”

“Taeyong-“

“You will let me finish!” Taeyong cut Johnny short from the other side of the room, pointing his finger at him as a warning. A few seconds passed until Taeyong found the words to continue. “You asked my sister for a dance at some point, I didn’t even know you could dance like that back then. But you were great. Even my sister told me you were a catch at the end of the night, you really captured everyone’s attention.” He stopped talking for a bit after that, as if the words that will come would hurt him more than anything else. He took a few deep breaths before continuing. “When you came back from the dancefloor and sat next to me again, you were smiling so brightly. I’ve never seen you look so at peace. Do you remember what you said then? You said-“

“Love is such a wonderful feeling,” Johnny interrupted him, quoting himself from 4 years ago. He knew the exact moment Taeyong was talking about and his heart was aching because of it.

“Love is such a wonderful feeling,” Taeyong repeated the words. He chuckled to himself, walking back to the coffee table to get the vodka and drink some more. He scrunched his nose, the liquor most probably burning down his throat. “And I wanted to confess to you right then and there. I thought it was the perfect moment to do it, because the setting was just the way I imagined it to be. Some 90s western song was playing in the background, there was a warm feeling in my chest, and you were shining,” Taeyong finished his sentence with a sniffle. “But I was young and a coward. I thought I didn’t know the first thing about love, so I backed down, because I didn’t want to ruin what we had.” He must have seen the look on Johnny’s face, because he continued speaking, “I know it sounds cliché, but I don’t give a fuck.”

Johnny thought it was about time to stand up from the ground, even though his legs felt like jelly and he could’ve dropped any second. “What are you really trying to tell me here, Taeyong?”

The man in question scoffed again, not believing his ears. “You’re kidding me, right? Did you even hear a word I just said?” He asked as tears were rolling down his cheeks once again that night.

“I heard everything.” Johnny reassured him. “I just don’t understand what point you are trying to make,” he admitted genuinely. He was shocked enough by the fact that his best friend has been having a crush on him for at least 4 years, anything else was too much to process.

“Okay,” Taeyong said as he finally finished the bottle of vodka, putting it back on the table so harshly Johnny was surprised it didn’t break. “Since I’m speaking to a toddler, I will spell it out to you,” he said sarcastically, looking right into Johnny’s eyes. “How come you never looked at me like you looked at that damn stranger, even though I’ve been with you the longest, through thick and thin?”

“I knew you had a problem with that,” Johnny said it out loud more for himself that for Taeyong to hear. “It was so obvious, how could I not see it?”

“Of course I have a problem with that!” Taeyong raised his voice, his eyes full of tears. “I have always supported you. I put your needs above mine way too many times. I did all of that because I thought time would make you understand, that it would make you see what’s right in front of you!” His chest was heaving at this point. “I also thought there was a possibility you had no interest in men, but now I know all this time you were just choosing to be blind when it came to me.”

“Wait a second,” Johnny said. It was his turn to get angry. “You think just because we’ve known each other the longest I owe it to you to feel the same way about you?”

“I would never force you to do anything,” Taeyong retorted as he walked away from him to the window, only to avoid his gaze.

“Then tell me why you prevented me from meeting that man the other day when you called me to come to your apartment?” Johnny threw in another question, the one he’s been the most curious about.

“It was an emergency,” Taeyong answered after what felt like a minute of silence. “I thought I could at least call you if an accident happened.”

“You don’t break a fish tank on accident!” Johnny yelled at him, but he was too tired and hurt to feel bad about it. There wasn’t a part of his body that didn’t feel pain. “You weren’t even that sad about it either. You thought I didn’t see how relieved you were when you saw me at your door?”

“Is it wrong to feel relieved when my best friend shows up to help me with something?” Taeyong yelled back as he turned to look at Johnny.

“Stop acting so innocent about it,” Johnny rolled his eyes and drank his glass of water in one go. “It wasn’t just that and you know it. The fact that you came here to come clean but still continue to lie is just ridiculous.”

Taeyong looked at him with fire in his eyes. “I only tried to help you. Don’t you dare blame that on me.”

“Help me how? By sheltering me away from the world?” Johnny asked as he stepped closer to Taeyong. “You thought that me failing to meet that man would discourage me from trying again? If anything, I only want to meet him even more now,” he continued to walk until he was two feet away from the other man. “And I will try again and again and again until I finally do. And you can’t stop me with your emotional manipulation. I’m done.”

“I just didn’t want you to get hurt by throwing yourself at someone you don’t even know,” Taeyong defended himself as he shed some more tears.

“You mean you weren’t jealous of him too?” Johnny asked him sarcastically, knowing Taeyong would never say something that would put him at disadvantage. But the other man didn’t say anything and just continued to cry in silence. This was enough for Johnny to go to the other side of the room to get his phone. “Also, in order to get hurt by someone, I have to get to know them in the first place. And if I do get hurt, I’ll handle it. I’m a big boy.” Once he took the phone from his coat pocket, he opened his contact list, sliding his finger on the screen until he found what he was looking for. “I’m calling you a cab, it should arrive in like two minutes.”

“Now you’re throwing me out?” Taeyong asked incredulously as he walked away from the window towards Johnny, getting close enough for the other man to smell the alcohol in his breath.

“You should be happy it ends at that,” Johnny answered as he dialed the number with a blank expression on his face, heading to his room.

And as he was walking away, he heard Taeyong mutter a small “Whatever,” slamming the door once again after he exited the apartment. Johnny knew he should have felt bad for treating his friend like that, but he also knew his friend shouldn’t have treated him like that either.

After telling the driver his address in order to pick Taeyong up, he hung up and threw the phone on the bed, making it bounce and fall on the floor. But Johnny couldn’t care less about that because he couldn’t remember a time when he was this angry. More than that, he felt betrayed by the person that should’ve supported him the most and he wanted to grab every object in the room and throw it out the window.

His breathing grew rapidly and, without thinking, he rushed to the window to open it. The cold air hitting him in the face calmed him up a bit, but it wasn’t enough to make his breath go completely steady. His legs felt weak, so he had to support himself with his hands on the windowsill. Down below, he could see Taeyong get in the cab the other man called for him. As his friend left, Johnny felt lonely for the first time in a long while.

But there’s a solution to anything. He took a few deep breaths to stabilize himself, picked himself back up and closed the window. Wiping away the tears that were threatening to escape, he began making up another plan in his head for Monday. Johnny also picked up his phone from the floor, looking up plane tickets. He didn’t want to think of the worst-case scenario, but Monday might be his last day in Seoul.

☆

After sacrificing his whole Sunday for assignments, the fight with Taeyong completely disappeared from Johnny’s mind. He forced himself to hide it somewhere in a corner so he wouldn’t be in a bad mood when he would finally meet the man in the bus, even though he couldn’t get his hopes too high even if he tried. Still, he wouldn’t give up.

Waking up on Monday was not as difficult as he thought it would be, but he guessed that was because he had a plan in the first place. After doing his morning routing and putting clothes on, he opened the luggage that was next to the wardrobe and began packing his things. He hoped he would just come back to his apartment later and unpack them, he really did.

The man sighed after everything was done, somehow feeling calmer than he did the last week combined. Grabbing his things, he left his apartment then exited the building. His steps were firm and steady. Knowing exactly where he had to go and what he had to do was so relaxing, he even decided not to listen to music on the way to the bus stop. The walk seemed even shorter than he remembered it to be, arriving at his destination a few minutes earlier than he was supposed to. Johnny didn’t take a seat, he figured he would enter the bus faster if he was already standing.

Looking across the street, there was the tree that captured his attention the other day. Even though just a few days passed, it was bare and the leaves had already been swept. This spoke volumes to him, because it only took a few days for the tree to change this much. It seemed like it was a different one altogether, and he couldn’t believe the day arrived when he would relate to a tree.

He was about to turn on his camera and take a picture of it when he noticed the desired bus approaching. Excitement made itself present in Johnny’s chest, even though he promised himself he would not raise his hopes too high. After it arrived at the station and the doors open, he didn’t even look through the windows first to see if the man was there, because he didn’t want to risk missing it again. He paid for the ticket and began his search.

He looked at the seat the stranger occupied last time, but there was some girl sitting there now. Johnny sighed but didn’t give up, continuing his search. The bus was already moving, so it was a bit difficult to walk and people were giving him weird looks, but he didn’t mind them. He could blame it on trying to find a free spot. At some point Johnny thought he forgot what the stranger looked like, so he turned his camera on and looked at the picture. He didn’t know whether he should be happy he didn’t forget any detail, or sad that none of the people in the bus had them.

In the end, it took him 15 minutes to convince himself the stranger wasn’t there. Taking a seat near the exit door, he couldn’t help the disappointment making its way into his mind. Johnny didn’t allow himself to feel bad because he did his best, and his best was enough.

He picked up his phone and opened his contacts list, looking for a certain someone. With a resigned look on his face, he dialed the number, hoping he wouldn’t catch her at work. “Mom?” he asked with a trembling voice, as he looked out the window at nothing in particular.

**Author's Note:**

> if anyone would like to yell at me you can find me on twitter @himbojohnny :D


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